Here....We....Go!

Ok to start a Weight Watchers commercial was just on TV.  That shit doesn't cut it for me anymore.  It is for people who like to go for walks everyday.  Not people who go to the gym and KILL IT EVERY DAY.  Just so you know...

Recap:

My first Blog was January 29, 2012 (holy shit that was almost 2 years ago!!!!).  I was 174 pounds and I am now 161(ish). Still going down down down. I have shrunk significantly as I am now a M in everything and have never been a M in anything in my whole life.  However, my goal is still 150 (but really it is just to have a tight bod). I have been stuck going up and down from 164 to 160 for the past 8 months.  What a pain in the ass, to say the least.  I saw 159, then went to Vegas a couple times,  had a few too many bender long weekends, and am back to 161.  Steady I stay...plateau has struck hard.

Not anymore. I am ready more than ever to lose that last stubborn 10 pounds and thought what a perfect opportunity to write in my Blog. It helps me to stay on track to keep writing about my goal and maybe even helps you by providing motivation!  Lets do it together!  (only if you're not going to pussy out on me though, so if you're a pussy I don't want to do it together.  I only have champions on my team, right Humes?)

I started a new way of eating which my friend Haylee preaches.  A book called "Beyond Diet" is also excellent and informative (book introduced to me by friend at work with hot bod who KILLS IT at the gym with me everyday (hereinafter, and once above, referred to as "Humes").  It is basically eating a lot of protein with every meal and every snack and eliminating white pasta and bread.  Making sure you include healthy fats like avocados and coconut oil every day. Ensuring you are eating enough calories for your body type. Eating more organic foods and breads with "sprouted whole grains".  Same old shit but not really.  I would go on into detail about this new plan I am trying but lets face it, I am too lazy to type it all out, and you seriously probably don't even care about what exactly it is because you probably know you need to lose weight but aren't willing to do what it takes (sorry that was harsh, but I do not care because I am writing my Blog and I am allowed to say whatever the fuck I want).  If you are interested and want some helpful tips or have some helpful tips I love you, send me a message and we will discuss.  I do hope this will push me through my plateau.  I am going to try hard.

As some of you may know, I LOVE GOING TO RIVER CREE.  However, as of the other day when I lost all my money, had a mental breakdown, cried like a loser and punched my boyfriend Kevin (hereinafter referred to as "Kevin") in the face for not losing all of his, I feel I go too often.  Something's got to give.  I need to come up with a plan to cut back....

You may also know that I love pasta and pizza. However,  with my new way of eating and my newfound rekindled desire for skinniness, I must say goodbye to having those every weekend cheat meals of pizza gooey goodness and save them for special occasions.

My two favourite things in the world (white, dense, heavy carbs and River Cree) are no longer going to be a part of my weekly routine but I still need to have them in my life or I WILL DIE (plain and simple). So, today a light bulb turned on in my head!  Losing the weight and reaching my goal weight will obviously be the ultimate in itself but why not, for a shorter term, reward myself with a wonderful night out at my favourite restaurant followed by a lovely visit to River Cree (maybe even a stop off at LuLu for a little reward too!)  Best fucking idea I've ever had in my life.  "You aren't supposed to reward yourself with food and/or create other addictions" you say? Well I say fuck you.  You aren't supposed to take it in the ass (it's an exit only), but you do it anyway.  You aren't supposed to sniff chemical powder shit up your nose, but you do it anyway.  You aren't supposed to wear white after Labour Day, BUT YOU DO IT ANYWAY.  So there.

As of right now, I am going to push and try like all hell to get myself the best Saturday funday ever!  And not only will I get that, I will have a slimmer, sexier body while doing it! I will be lookin FINE that day and Kevin will know it! BAM.....Then when I lose all my money again it won't bother me because I will know I am still skinnier and ain't nobody gonna take that away from me!

So, first short term goal weight is 156.  That is 5 pounds from now.  The last 5 pounds I lost it took me 6 months and there is no way in hell I am waiting 6 months to go to casino or have spaghetti and garlic toast.  NO WAY IN HELL.  We will see how fast I can do this.  Keep in mind I have already lost 75 pounds and have already kept it off for 3 years so it's not like I'm some fat heifer who can drop 5 in one week straight off my gunt.  Keep in mind I also KILL IT AT THE GYM EVERYDAY and I am also gaining muscle mass (5 days a week = everyday).  This is going to be hard.  

Oh yes, I am also trying to cut down on the drinks.  The ones with alcohol.  We will see how that goes...

I recently put a picture up in my house saying this:

PERSISTENCE

Chance Favours Those Who Persist

While I do believe it is actually referring to golf since it is a beautiful picture of a golf course, I apply it to weight loss.  Think about it.  Deep right? 

I will keep you updated on how she goes.  So long, and thanks for reading.

P.S.  Just so you know, I didn't actually punch Kevin in the face. I am not THAT unstable. 

Weigh In - October 26, 2012

AND she went down again!  I lost 1.5 more this week for a total of 6!  I am doing really well, keeping really strong and feel skinny as FUCK.  It feels so good.  I doubt it has anything to do with the fact that I was pissing out of my ass for 3 of the 5 days this week.  Stress....what a bitch.

Tonight I am getting dressed up as a sexy captain morgan, going out, and getting shittered with some lovely ladies.  It is going to be a great night.  Tomorrow I am having THE HUT.  For those of you who know me best, you will know that when I eat THE HUT, I mean business.  I have it written on my calendar that it has been over 4 months since I've had it last so you can imagine the excitement emanating through me,  I SOFA KING STOKED.  Ask me monday how I feel though and I'm sure you will get a big "ughhhhhhhhh blaaaaaah".

Next week's weigh-in may not be as successful.  BUT that is life and I am not going to stop doing the things I love to do or eat the things I love to eat.  If I did stop, you may as well shoot me now.  This is part of losing weight and keeping it off.  It is a process of ups and downs, don't forget that.

For those of you who are joining me in the shit show tonight, keep it real ok, cause I know I sure won't.  

PS.  “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” 
― Eckhart Tolle

October 19, 2012 - Weigh In

Fuckers...fuckers...fuckers...GUESS WHAT!?  The mother fuckin scale went down! I lost 3 more pounds for a total of 4.5.  I fully and entirely attribute this success to my new "diet".  As you all know the scale was stuck for me.  Not today folks, not today.  Let me tell you about it.

I went over to my beautiful friend Jami's place a few weeks ago and she said "ya, I lost 15 pounds in a month" and I said STFU tell me about it I need a change, so she did.  It is very simple but you must be determined and strong-willed, of course. Nothing great comes without hard work.  I eat 30 grams of protein for breakfast everyday.  That is, skim milk and protein powder, shaker up and chug.  Little or no fruit, I eat maybe one grapefruit cup every couple days.  No sugar.  No dairy unless it's fat free and even if it is fat free, it must be limited. No carbs except for days I work out I have 1 small serving of whole wheat carb, like a pita or Weight Watcher bread,  that's it, and it can never be at night, workout or no workout.  It must be for lunch. Eat a lot of protein though, that is key.  You get one binge day a week.  So far for me it was Saturday.  They encourage you to just go nuts and make it so you feel gross and don't want anymore bad food for awhile and that I did, oh yes, oh yes.  I ate junk until I was massaging my stomach in to the night because it was so sore.  But after that Saturday, back to strict strict business.  Absolutely no cheating. 

So this got me over my plateau and I plan to seriously stick with it for a while and see how skinny I can get.  I am pumped.  It has only been about 10 days since I have started but I feel better, lighter, more energized and am even shitting more regularly!  What more could a girl ask for! "OMG my boyfriend just bought me the most BEAUTIFUL diamond earrings from Tiffany's!!" .... "Ya, well I just took a shit the size of an Anaconda, beat that."   If you have any questions or need more info about this please let me know I would love to discuss it more with you (not the shitting, the diet).

I just got home from my stupid bitch of a doctor's office for my annual check up.  She said "ohh you're lookin' good".  I thought, "no shit I am bitch.  You're lucky you said that".  Did I mention this lady is a bitch?  Or as my mom would call it, "she has no bedside manner". Yes, I noticed that, thank you mother.

My ankle is pretty much 100% better.  It feels great to be back.  Have a good weekend everyone and we will see if I go down again next week!  Wooot woooot.

P.S. Once you go black, you never go back.  Wha whaaat.

Weigh In, October 5, 2012

165.5 today.  I am fucking cheesed.  I have stayed between 167 and 164 since June.  What is it going to take?  I will NOT throw in the towel. I will NOT eat because I am mad.  I have been going at this for almost three years and I will be going at it for the rest of my life. 

I said my ankle wasn't fucked anymore last week.  I was prematurely positive about that.  It is still fucked.  I didn't go to Zumba last night and I felt awful (and still feel awful) about missing it.  Boooooourns to injuries. I did a "tae-bo" ab workout at home instead.  It was a DVD workout video I bought since I couldn't go to Zumba.  It was gay.  I was swearing at the stupid negro man on the screen the whole time. 

Happy note:  A wonderful girl at my work decided to start coming to the gym with me a few weeks ago and just walked in to the office. She came straight to my desk and showed me that the waist around her pants was loose.  She said, "Omg these used to be tight, I am so happy right now".  I am really excited for her and hope she keeps up the good work.  She has given me permission to make her feel guilty when she has excuses to not join me at the gym.  I will keep you posted on her progress.

It is a long weekend and I am looking forward to it, as I know you all are.  On Sunday I will probably eat until I want to barf.  Nice hey?   Take it easy ya'll.

PS.  Sorry I am once again not funny.  And you know what, this is the last time I am going to apologize for not being funny because a girl cannot be funny allll the fucking time OK?

September 28, 2012 - Weigh In

So I gained a god damn pound.  I weighed myself on Wednesday and was 164 and today BAM 166!  Yesterday I was 165.5 so yesterday I'm thinking oh GOD what is up with this, was it the pretzels or the Shake n' Bake that were too salty?  Yesterday I was praying that I take a big shit, you know, at least a 2 pounder to get back to the 164.  By bed time nothing happened so I'm thinking, should I take some XLax and in the morning I will shit my brains out then weigh in?  That is just ridiculous so that didn't happen (plus I didn't want to shit my pants on the LRT).  That scale is such a bitch.  I hate it.  Of course it would have nothing to do with the 115 weight watcher points I consumed last weekend (to put that number in to perspective I usually only have 20 per day) Eeeek!  But if it did, why would I weigh 164 on Wednesday? Fuck, who cares.

Happy Friday everyone!  I need a drink.  It started out at 7:55 am with my boss yelling, as he flicked my ponytail invading my personal space "is that a fucking tramp stamp on your back?!".  Apparently this was the first time in a whole year that I had my hair up with a shirt on low enough in the back to show my tattoo.    This was first thing in the morning, you can imagine how the rest of the day went....DOM

Happy note #1:  I went shopping for a new little dress yesterday because I am going to some lobster shit tomorrow night and want to look TIGHT.  What happened was nothing short of a miracle  (but then it really wasn't because I work hard).  I looked good in every single dress I tried on!  In the past I would buy a dress only because finally one actually fit, no selection what so ever.  Now, WTF I look good in them all and have to choose my favourite.  It felt sooooooo good.  If I would not have experienced this ultra happy feeling last night I would be a helluva lot more pissed off about the scale this morning.  So thank Christ for that.

Happy note #2:  My ankle is 80% better and I went to boot camp twice this week and the most awesome Zumba last night and danced my fucking ass off and it felt so good!  I am back.  It feels so good to be back.  I am scared though now that I can work out hard again that the scale is going to move even less.  Frick!  We will see.

I also realized last night after doing weights, step class, then Zumba, not getting home until 8:00 pm, and then proceeding to make a salad for dinner and then making a healthy lunch for the next day, how much work and dedication it takes to lose weight and be healthy.  No wonder so many people out there are fat.   I am very thankful that I have taught myself to be strong, like warrior.  As it stands today, 1 pound down :( 9 to go.  This might take a while.  

Is there anyone out there who actually wants to lose weight?  I want to help you.

PS.  How do people expect to get anywhere in life if they can't even drive the fucking speed limit?

September 21, 2012 - Weigh In

Ok, so I lost 2 pounds.  However, this is going to be a lot harder than I thought, I can tell.  After losing so much weight it comes off very very slowly.  It is very frustrating, to say the least.  Don't get me wrong, I will try my absolute hardest but don't fuckin judge me on the weeks I gain or stay the same cause a girl has got to live! Especially once I start working out hard again because then I am constantly sore and I weigh more when my muscles are sore.

My ankle is still buggered up and I haven't been able to let off as much steam at the gym as I usually do.  I went last night to Zumba and it was just depressing.  I couldn't jump or bounce or anything of the sort.  I almost cried all the way home.  I miss boot camp and pushing myself to the max. The release of endorphins I get from a nice hard workout sure makes a big difference to my mental health, let me tell you. I am starting to get bitchy and angry all the time. For those of you out there who have no sort of physical ailment, you better get off your lazy fucking asses right now and do something.  As for me, I will keep doing spin and pilates and such and hopefully I will heal soon.  :(  Do not think, though, that I have fallen off the wagon because I am injured, I am still eating well, keeping active and pushing forward!

I am going to the football game tomorrow and have a feeling the amount of alcohol I am going to consume will not be pretty.  Lets do some math, shall we? To warm up, get my buzz on, I will probably consume at least 3 double vodka, club soda with a splash of cran (approximately 360 calories), if you want to drink yet be somewhat strict about calories, this is a good choice.  Then I will be sick of drinking that and I will have a Bud Light (100 cals).  Now I'm at the bar and not really giving a shit about fatness anymore, thirsty as fuck, so I will probably chug a Twisted Tea (200 cals, Fuck me, I know! I just looked this up for the first time, had no idea they had so many calories. No wonder I didn't lose any weight during the summer!!!!!). Then, who wants to do a shot? I do, I do! (probably a rock star 100 cals).  Then I will have another vodka (60 cals).  Then, who wants to do another shot? I do, I do! (jager bomb uh oh 200 cals).  Then a Strongbow (160 cals). Then another bomb (UH OH 200 cals). Then another vodka (60 cals) another shot (100 cals) and I'm thinkin that could be all. So.....lol no seriously I just went through my whole night in my head.  I'm probably missing a few shots but oh well, who's counting? lol, I can't stop laughing!  Ok, so, adding those all up totals 1,540 calories.  Not too bad!  I will honestly try not to drink all of that but shit happens.  We will see how she goes!

So, down 2 pounds, 8 more to go.  If I end up getting shittered I will hopefully have a good story or 2 to share with you.  Not sure how the scale is going to like this next week.  We will see.  Until then, have a good weekend!  Wooot wooot!

PS. I'm sorry I wasn't very funny above.  I just don't feel like making fun of anyone today.  SOMEBODY CALL THE PARAMEDICS!

Pazzo Pazzo

So, I went out for dinner on Friday to a lovely restaurant called Pazzo Pazzo. It is a quiet small restaurant.  Very nice setting for a romantic date.  The food is absolutely delicious there.  If you feel like you deserve a reward because you have been doing really well with the healthy eating this is the place to go. But, if you are still learning, and if having Pazzo Pazzo will make you fall off the wagon and you are not yet strong enough to climb back on, please do not go there.  It is definitely not worth the feeling of failure.

This is what I ate:

Carbonara 

Pasta sautéed with chopped bacon, Italian sausage, mushrooms, garlic, parmesan cheese and eggs. 

Topped with fresh basil. 

This is also what I ate:

Jumbo Pasta Shells 

Six shells stuffed with ricotta cheese and spinach topped with gigi sauce and Mozzarella and Parmesan cheese.

Now I thought everything was all good.  I had some mild stomach pains but no explosive diahrea like I get whenever I eat at BPs.  *Speckles...* The rest of the weekend I didn't seem to notice anything major.

So Monday morning rolls around, I put on my pants and off to work I went.  They were tight.  I was pissed off.  I sat in my chair at work and looked down and my gunt was sticking out.  I kept pulling my shirt down and then every so often, out of the corner of my eye, I would see my gunt trying to pop out again!  WTF! What are you looking at??

Long story short, YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.  

I have a man friend who I like and I said to him, "I know you think I'm pretty now but what did you think of me when I was so fat?"  His answer after rolling his eyes because, of course, I am asking a stupid question, "uhhhh I don't know.  I just thought, you are what you eat".  And I thought, "oh snap he's right! He's a genius!"  I ate like a savage beast back then.  Now every time I see a god damn fat person I think "hmmm I wonder what they have been eating to look like that?". Or wait, that's not true, I usually nudge the person I'm with and say, "I wonder what that fat mother fucker has been eating." as I shake my head at them.  God dammit Martha May, put down fried chicken! (for those of you who think I'm going to hell, I will see you there)

Perfect real life example, me eating the Pazzo Pazzo.  I ate it only once (imagine if I ate like that every day, heaven forbid!!), and two days later that shit was still stuck on my body.  I may as well just have taken a knife and smeared that creamy garlicky cheesy bacony sauce straight on to my gut (ok stop drooling).

Anyway, we will see what happens by Friday if I lose any pounds or not.  If I didn't I am bombing fucking Pazzo Pazzo so don't even bother getting excited about going there.

Tip:  every time you want to buy something fatty or sugary to eat because you're craving it soooo bad repeat the mantra in your head 'you are what you eat, you are what you eat'.  Imagine it going straight in to the fat cells on the back of your legs and making them bigger and BIGGER. Picture your cellulite growing and getting lumpier right before your very eyes!  That is what I do. :)

PS.  For those of you who are totally disgusted with the thought of my gunt, don't worry, so am I and that is why it won't be there for long!!!

PPS. "Life isn’t as serious as your mind makes it out to be." - Eckhart Tolle