September 28, 2012 - Weigh In

So I gained a god damn pound.  I weighed myself on Wednesday and was 164 and today BAM 166!  Yesterday I was 165.5 so yesterday I'm thinking oh GOD what is up with this, was it the pretzels or the Shake n' Bake that were too salty?  Yesterday I was praying that I take a big shit, you know, at least a 2 pounder to get back to the 164.  By bed time nothing happened so I'm thinking, should I take some XLax and in the morning I will shit my brains out then weigh in?  That is just ridiculous so that didn't happen (plus I didn't want to shit my pants on the LRT).  That scale is such a bitch.  I hate it.  Of course it would have nothing to do with the 115 weight watcher points I consumed last weekend (to put that number in to perspective I usually only have 20 per day) Eeeek!  But if it did, why would I weigh 164 on Wednesday? Fuck, who cares.

Happy Friday everyone!  I need a drink.  It started out at 7:55 am with my boss yelling, as he flicked my ponytail invading my personal space "is that a fucking tramp stamp on your back?!".  Apparently this was the first time in a whole year that I had my hair up with a shirt on low enough in the back to show my tattoo.    This was first thing in the morning, you can imagine how the rest of the day went....DOM

Happy note #1:  I went shopping for a new little dress yesterday because I am going to some lobster shit tomorrow night and want to look TIGHT.  What happened was nothing short of a miracle  (but then it really wasn't because I work hard).  I looked good in every single dress I tried on!  In the past I would buy a dress only because finally one actually fit, no selection what so ever.  Now, WTF I look good in them all and have to choose my favourite.  It felt sooooooo good.  If I would not have experienced this ultra happy feeling last night I would be a helluva lot more pissed off about the scale this morning.  So thank Christ for that.

Happy note #2:  My ankle is 80% better and I went to boot camp twice this week and the most awesome Zumba last night and danced my fucking ass off and it felt so good!  I am back.  It feels so good to be back.  I am scared though now that I can work out hard again that the scale is going to move even less.  Frick!  We will see.

I also realized last night after doing weights, step class, then Zumba, not getting home until 8:00 pm, and then proceeding to make a salad for dinner and then making a healthy lunch for the next day, how much work and dedication it takes to lose weight and be healthy.  No wonder so many people out there are fat.   I am very thankful that I have taught myself to be strong, like warrior.  As it stands today, 1 pound down :( 9 to go.  This might take a while.  

Is there anyone out there who actually wants to lose weight?  I want to help you.

PS.  How do people expect to get anywhere in life if they can't even drive the fucking speed limit?

September 21, 2012 - Weigh In

Ok, so I lost 2 pounds.  However, this is going to be a lot harder than I thought, I can tell.  After losing so much weight it comes off very very slowly.  It is very frustrating, to say the least.  Don't get me wrong, I will try my absolute hardest but don't fuckin judge me on the weeks I gain or stay the same cause a girl has got to live! Especially once I start working out hard again because then I am constantly sore and I weigh more when my muscles are sore.

My ankle is still buggered up and I haven't been able to let off as much steam at the gym as I usually do.  I went last night to Zumba and it was just depressing.  I couldn't jump or bounce or anything of the sort.  I almost cried all the way home.  I miss boot camp and pushing myself to the max. The release of endorphins I get from a nice hard workout sure makes a big difference to my mental health, let me tell you. I am starting to get bitchy and angry all the time. For those of you out there who have no sort of physical ailment, you better get off your lazy fucking asses right now and do something.  As for me, I will keep doing spin and pilates and such and hopefully I will heal soon.  :(  Do not think, though, that I have fallen off the wagon because I am injured, I am still eating well, keeping active and pushing forward!

I am going to the football game tomorrow and have a feeling the amount of alcohol I am going to consume will not be pretty.  Lets do some math, shall we? To warm up, get my buzz on, I will probably consume at least 3 double vodka, club soda with a splash of cran (approximately 360 calories), if you want to drink yet be somewhat strict about calories, this is a good choice.  Then I will be sick of drinking that and I will have a Bud Light (100 cals).  Now I'm at the bar and not really giving a shit about fatness anymore, thirsty as fuck, so I will probably chug a Twisted Tea (200 cals, Fuck me, I know! I just looked this up for the first time, had no idea they had so many calories. No wonder I didn't lose any weight during the summer!!!!!). Then, who wants to do a shot? I do, I do! (probably a rock star 100 cals).  Then I will have another vodka (60 cals).  Then, who wants to do another shot? I do, I do! (jager bomb uh oh 200 cals).  Then a Strongbow (160 cals). Then another bomb (UH OH 200 cals). Then another vodka (60 cals) another shot (100 cals) and I'm thinkin that could be all. So.....lol no seriously I just went through my whole night in my head.  I'm probably missing a few shots but oh well, who's counting? lol, I can't stop laughing!  Ok, so, adding those all up totals 1,540 calories.  Not too bad!  I will honestly try not to drink all of that but shit happens.  We will see how she goes!

So, down 2 pounds, 8 more to go.  If I end up getting shittered I will hopefully have a good story or 2 to share with you.  Not sure how the scale is going to like this next week.  We will see.  Until then, have a good weekend!  Wooot wooot!

PS. I'm sorry I wasn't very funny above.  I just don't feel like making fun of anyone today.  SOMEBODY CALL THE PARAMEDICS!

Pazzo Pazzo

So, I went out for dinner on Friday to a lovely restaurant called Pazzo Pazzo. It is a quiet small restaurant.  Very nice setting for a romantic date.  The food is absolutely delicious there.  If you feel like you deserve a reward because you have been doing really well with the healthy eating this is the place to go. But, if you are still learning, and if having Pazzo Pazzo will make you fall off the wagon and you are not yet strong enough to climb back on, please do not go there.  It is definitely not worth the feeling of failure.

This is what I ate:

Carbonara 

Pasta sautéed with chopped bacon, Italian sausage, mushrooms, garlic, parmesan cheese and eggs. 

Topped with fresh basil. 

This is also what I ate:

Jumbo Pasta Shells 

Six shells stuffed with ricotta cheese and spinach topped with gigi sauce and Mozzarella and Parmesan cheese.

Now I thought everything was all good.  I had some mild stomach pains but no explosive diahrea like I get whenever I eat at BPs.  *Speckles...* The rest of the weekend I didn't seem to notice anything major.

So Monday morning rolls around, I put on my pants and off to work I went.  They were tight.  I was pissed off.  I sat in my chair at work and looked down and my gunt was sticking out.  I kept pulling my shirt down and then every so often, out of the corner of my eye, I would see my gunt trying to pop out again!  WTF! What are you looking at??

Long story short, YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.  

I have a man friend who I like and I said to him, "I know you think I'm pretty now but what did you think of me when I was so fat?"  His answer after rolling his eyes because, of course, I am asking a stupid question, "uhhhh I don't know.  I just thought, you are what you eat".  And I thought, "oh snap he's right! He's a genius!"  I ate like a savage beast back then.  Now every time I see a god damn fat person I think "hmmm I wonder what they have been eating to look like that?". Or wait, that's not true, I usually nudge the person I'm with and say, "I wonder what that fat mother fucker has been eating." as I shake my head at them.  God dammit Martha May, put down fried chicken! (for those of you who think I'm going to hell, I will see you there)

Perfect real life example, me eating the Pazzo Pazzo.  I ate it only once (imagine if I ate like that every day, heaven forbid!!), and two days later that shit was still stuck on my body.  I may as well just have taken a knife and smeared that creamy garlicky cheesy bacony sauce straight on to my gut (ok stop drooling).

Anyway, we will see what happens by Friday if I lose any pounds or not.  If I didn't I am bombing fucking Pazzo Pazzo so don't even bother getting excited about going there.

Tip:  every time you want to buy something fatty or sugary to eat because you're craving it soooo bad repeat the mantra in your head 'you are what you eat, you are what you eat'.  Imagine it going straight in to the fat cells on the back of your legs and making them bigger and BIGGER. Picture your cellulite growing and getting lumpier right before your very eyes!  That is what I do. :)

PS.  For those of you who are totally disgusted with the thought of my gunt, don't worry, so am I and that is why it won't be there for long!!!

PPS. "Life isn’t as serious as your mind makes it out to be." - Eckhart Tolle

I'm Back Bitches

Alrighty, well here we go!

So here I am, bored as shit, ready to write!  Summer is pretty much over and so are my weekend benders.  I would work hard to be good and lose weight during the week, sweat my sexy ass off at the gym, only to drink and eat my face off on the weekend and BAM, my weight stays the same.  No more.  It's go time.

I'm sorry I stopped writing but I bought a little place to live and life just got kind of hectic.  That is behind me now.  It's fuckin' go time. Since my last post on here which was in February I have lost only 7 pounds (I now weigh 167 pounds, shhhh don't tell anybody).  However, I have lost inches.  I don't know the exact amount because I don't measure (even though I should) but I know I am shrinking like a mother fucker.  I went to buy a new pair of jeans on the weekend because all of my other pairs are saggy and it looks like someone scared me and I dropped a deuce in them. With that being said, (lol) the jeans were a size 30 waist.  I have not been a size 30 waist since I was 14.  No kidding.  WAY TO GO NILES! Wooot wooot! Thank you. 

I have been keeping up with my exercising although have changed my regime.  I no longer to go kickboxing because I am done with that shit.  It did me well, but the time came to move on.  I now try to do bootcamp at the Y at least 3 times a week along with numerous other spin, zumba, step and pilate classes.  I also try to incorporate running in to my schedule when I can.  I am still exercising a minimum of 5 times per week.

On a side note for this week my ankle is fucked up.  What happened was this: I was walking across the parking lot in Costco when I saw a tiny little girl running to make her way to the door to catch up with her mommy. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a huge white trailer-trash pickup truck speeding like mad around a curve coming straight for her!  I ran as hard as I could and leaped through the air grabbing and saving the little girl all the while twisting my ankle as I landed with her safe on top of me. JK!  I got fucking wasted from chugging Twisted Teas because I kept losing at Crib and loser chugs (while I was on empty).  I then went to take a leak in the bush, fell in a hole and twisted my ankle.  I then went swimming in the pitch black stumbling along the way and finished er' off by having drunk sex like a porn star. We all know how that goes, don't even lie.

After several days of non-activity I thought my ankle had healed so I went for a long ass run followed the next day with a step class and zumba.  That fucked it right up.  So, this week I am going to do classes where there is not so much direct impact on my ankle.  I will keep you posted on that and the different types of exercise I will be trying and my opinion on them.

Anyway, my goal is to lose 10 pounds by Christmas (so when I gain 10 during Christmas I won't care).  Oh that sounds bad.  Don't worry, I will lose it again. AND THAT MY FRIENDS, you can put your money on.

I will weigh myself every friday and report to you my progress (except fridays when I get my period I will not report because I always weigh more and want to shoot myself in the face).  I will also share some stories, tips, hurdles and anything/everything I can think of to write along the way.  WARNING:  THIS WILL DEFINITELY BE OFFENSIVE. PLEASE DO NOT READ MY BLOG IF IT MEANS YOU WON'T BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE.

If you would like to join me with a goal of your own I would be absolutely euphoric!  For those of you who want to lose some weight but don't know how to get started take a read at my older blog posts.  I have a meal plan up there that I pretty much still stick to and its nearly 8 months later! Please feel free to write and tell me about your goals or ask me any questions and we can help each other along the way.  I look forward to hearing from you!  Muah!

PS.  Why is it that every single fucking time you see a bad driver you just automatically know they're asian?